For years and years and years I’ve been working the opposite direction of the human race. I prefer to seep during the day and once it’s dark it’s time to shine.
I know that part of getting better is developing a predictable routine. And I intend to do so but… I haven’t quite managed yet.
I went out with a friend the night before last. We got home by 10pm and I was asleep by midnight. And I slept all night. I didn’t get up. I didn’t wander. I didn’t eat. I didn’t drive.
I call that a win.
But even so, I could not get up yesterday. I could not function. I didn’t get my kid off to school. I had someone else do it.
Even text messaging was difficult to manage. I would fall asleep holding my phone. I couldn’t stay awake.
I slept until 1pm. I finally got up and over ate until I vomited. I fell asleep on the couch.
I got someone else to pick her up. I slept. At some point I moved back to bed. I slept.
Eventually the darkness rolled in and I was awake again.
This is not normal behavior. I think I slept like twenty hours yesterday. I could have probably slept more.
But I didn’t. I lay in bed and thought about the day ahead of me at work. I wondered if I got up early (230am for a 6am shift) if I might get more done during my shift. I hauled myself out of bed to have some orange juice. I had a shower.
It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My significant other got mad. I hate that. I’m torn between understanding how tough this is on him, and constantly feeling like what I’m doing is working for me.
The truth, I think, is that what I’m doing is working for no one. So now my day has started off on a foot where I feel shitty and unreliable.
So much of the time I feel shitty and unreliable. And so much of the time he just puts up with me.
Someone please assure me that the sleep thing will even out with the medication.