I want to die today.
I don’t always, though more increasingly lately, I do.
I get so tired when I’m told how my unpredictable decision’s hurt my family. I feel like there’s never any hope of getting better or of even halfway resembling who I was before.
I’m driving my life into a wall. And the shittiest feeling is the one of not wanting to drive at all. Quitting seems like the only thing that makes sense. Sure, it would hurt at first but as people begun to heal they would likely find things more level and tolerable than they are now.
All I do is hurt the people I’m supposed to love. I’m tired of disappointing and actively frustrating my family. I’m tired of consistently making mistake after mistake after mistake with no end in sight.
Today I have to take deep breaths and keep one foot in front of the other. Because all I want to do is give up and give in.