The Bad Days

On bad days I feel like I’ve lost control. I collapse under the weight of simple tasks. I’m literally snarling. Gnashing my teeth and crying for mercy from someone I don’t believe in. At those times I feel helpless. 

Today was 85 percent this way.

It’s hard to see the light on these days. Harder to manage rejection. Harder to temper the stormy weather. Harder to tame the wild voices.

But I woke up this way today and It wasn’t accompanied by thoughts of suicide. What a milestone this is for me.

Proof that the Abilify was the right choice…

I’m not sold on lamotrigine so much, however. I’m seeing my doctor this week so I’ll see what she thinks.

Things are still all whacked out. I’m hanging on to hope but slipping back is always a frightening thought. Imagine what I may have accomplished if not for so much time spent on wasteful depression and hopelessnsss. 


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