The Way I Cope

…or actually…. the way I don’t. 

I thought I was coping just fine with things. I’ve recently started to see that everything I’ve done has been in an attempt not to have to deal with or feel any of my feelings. 

…a tactic I don’t advise. 

It’s left me numb. I think when you find the button to turn off your emotions, it really switches off all of your emotions. I became detached from the things that should matter the most to me. 

In fact,  it was the disconnect that scared me the most. It was the disconnect that pushed me to find help. I couldn’t stand being so far away from my feelings;  I’m really quite a sensitive person…. feeling is my constant state of being

Since I started working towards a healthy,  level life,  my passion and connectivity have slowly begun to return. I’m impatient but I also know that shortcuts are an opening for my shortcomings to overtake me again.  If I let myself cut corners once, I’ll negate the work I’ve already done.  And on top of that?  I’ll start looking for other easier ways out of my journey. 

That’s the whole thing though,  isn’t it? It’s a journey but a hell of a lot of work. The kind of work for which there are no shortcuts. Not really. Because taking the easy road is going to mean coming back and doing it again until I finally succeed. 

So why not focus and do it right,  right now? 

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