The First Nice Weekend

Last weekend was FANTASTIC. August weather. The complaints about the heat we're almost unmanageable. We sat together for a couple of hours while Abby got cool at the river. I'm reminded of the beauty around me. It was not so long ago that I found beauty in nothing. And then I realize how much I've... Continue Reading →

The Real World

I've never lived in the real world. This is news to me. I had no idea. Though admittedly I had heard rumours... "You have a hard time accepting what IS." By "hard time" they mean a complete unwillingness to accept life. It's the truth. Things happen and I just keep shutting them out. Nothing can... Continue Reading →

The Mindnumbing Busyness

I'm busy. Not only have external circumstances come together to create busyness, but I've signed on to doing a lot of things. I'm writing again, like... For clients. And lucky for me, content curation is still coming easily. It feels good to be good at something. I've started booking photography sessions again which I totally... Continue Reading →

The Epiphany 

Funny  how things can just all of the sudden hit you. You can just be walking down a street and boom. Just this glaring truth show up. I read all the time. I'm taking a course on emotional regulation and I'm attending a support group on a weekly basis. In these settings I'm hearing a... Continue Reading →

The Way I Cope

...or actually.... the way I don't.  I thought I was coping just fine with things. I've recently started to see that everything I've done has been in an attempt not to have to deal with or feel any of my feelings.  ...a tactic I don't advise.  It's left me numb. I think when you find... Continue Reading →

The Experience 

Imagine waking up one day, taking inventory and realizing that everything you love had been tossed into the grand Canyon.   And lit on fire.  By you. Coming down means seeing a lot of  damage that you've caused. It means coming to terms with the money wasted  and the mistakes made but worse yet, it means... Continue Reading →

The Lack Of Interest

The lack of interest exists, though definitely not as bad as it did six months ago. Coming back from the brink means patience, a trait that I struggle with. It takes time to produce your own brain drugs. It takes time to find joy in anything. That's shitty. I used to like stuff. I used... Continue Reading →

The Time As It Passes

Six months ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was devastated by the idea. Not that one.... Surely not that one. The stigma was palpable. I, myself held some beliefs that were questionable. We see celebrities stand up on national television, coming out for those with mental illness.... And say, "oh wow... So brave".... Continue Reading →

The Gratitude

YouI have never been grateful. Not really. Not in the ways I should have been. I had an epiphany a few weeks ago. It's taken me this long to sort out the words to explain what I'm feeling. I have a real history with negative self talk, but we're on a break right now. Today... Continue Reading →

The Questions

How long does this process take? When will I be all better? Will I ever be okay again? What could I have done differently? Am I still me? I mean I thought I knew who I was, but it seems like all that has changed. Am I living as someone I don't even really recognize? ... Continue Reading →

The Appearance And The Reality

My friend lives next door to a beautiful house. It's immaculate. The garden impressed me from day one. Often, when I stop by, the neighbouris outside tending to her plants or washing the car. She obviously holds her home appearance in a position of high importance.... Except I was shocked the first time I stepped... Continue Reading →

The Bad Days

On bad days I feel like I've lost control. I collapse under the weight of simple tasks. I'm literally snarling. Gnashing my teeth and crying for mercy from someone I don't believe in. At those times I feel helpless.  Today was 85 percent this way. It's hard to see the light on these days. Harder... Continue Reading →

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