The Way You Make Me Feel

I have always been fascinated by the idea of seeing yourself through another's eyes. We are our own worst critic, so it's interesting to find out what people think. People are intimidated by me. There's no need to be, I'm a teddy bear. My physical appearance makes people think I'm tough. It actually became a... Continue Reading →

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The Recovery

Things are changing. I'm not sure what the catalyst is, if the meds are working or if the spring is springing or if it has more to do with me being held accountable at emotional gunpoint.... But something has really been triggered inside me. On a grand scale, I feel motivated. Not only to write... Continue Reading →

The Emotional Distress

Here's a fun story. Girl takes a class on regulating her emotions. Emotional class share makes girl run away because she can't deal. Right? That was me today. I came home from class and threw myself on the floor. I cried. So much crying. The key is acceptance. See, I've been running from the truth... Continue Reading →

The First Nice Weekend

Last weekend was FANTASTIC. August weather. The complaints about the heat we're almost unmanageable. We sat together for a couple of hours while Abby got cool at the river. I'm reminded of the beauty around me. It was not so long ago that I found beauty in nothing. And then I realize how much I've... Continue Reading →

The Real World

I've never lived in the real world. This is news to me. I had no idea. Though admittedly I had heard rumours... "You have a hard time accepting what IS." By "hard time" they mean a complete unwillingness to accept life. It's the truth. Things happen and I just keep shutting them out. Nothing can... Continue Reading →

The Mindnumbing Busyness

I'm busy. Not only have external circumstances come together to create busyness, but I've signed on to doing a lot of things. I'm writing again, like... For clients. And lucky for me, content curation is still coming easily. It feels good to be good at something. I've started booking photography sessions again which I totally... Continue Reading →

The Epiphany 

Funny  how things can just all of the sudden hit you. You can just be walking down a street and boom. Just this glaring truth show up. I read all the time. I'm taking a course on emotional regulation and I'm attending a support group on a weekly basis. In these settings I'm hearing a... Continue Reading →

The Way I Cope

...or actually.... the way I don't.  I thought I was coping just fine with things. I've recently started to see that everything I've done has been in an attempt not to have to deal with or feel any of my feelings.  ...a tactic I don't advise.  It's left me numb. I think when you find... Continue Reading →

The Experience 

Imagine waking up one day, taking inventory and realizing that everything you love had been tossed into the grand Canyon.   And lit on fire.  By you. Coming down means seeing a lot of  damage that you've caused. It means coming to terms with the money wasted  and the mistakes made but worse yet, it means... Continue Reading →

The Lack Of Interest

The lack of interest exists, though definitely not as bad as it did six months ago. Coming back from the brink means patience, a trait that I struggle with. It takes time to produce your own brain drugs. It takes time to find joy in anything. That's shitty. I used to like stuff. I used... Continue Reading →

The Time As It Passes

Six months ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was devastated by the idea. Not that one.... Surely not that one. The stigma was palpable. I, myself held some beliefs that were questionable. We see celebrities stand up on national television, coming out for those with mental illness.... And say, "oh wow... So brave".... Continue Reading →

The Gratitude

YouI have never been grateful. Not really. Not in the ways I should have been. I had an epiphany a few weeks ago. It's taken me this long to sort out the words to explain what I'm feeling. I have a real history with negative self talk, but we're on a break right now. Today... Continue Reading →

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